Maybe life doesn't suck?
by Swimming cutie xoxo
Summary: Savannah knows what pain is, she knows how to deal with this pain. Though what happens when a member of the pack imprints on her, and none of the other members think it is a good idea? will he change her or the other way around?
1. Well this is me

Ok so I guess I could tell you a bit about me

Ok so I guess I could tell you a bit about me. So my full name is Savannah Nicole Beaufort, I am 17 now. I was born in Halifax Nova Scotia, which yes is in Canada, and no not everyone in Canada is bilingual. I can speak French, English and Spanish but only because my dad is French and my mom is Spanish, I learned both early on, but since we lived in a country were English was very popular I soon picked it up too. I guess you could call me some what smart, I don't pull off 100s in class but my average is some where around 85 I guess. I also had a brother, being the all Canadian he was of course he played hockey and he was pretty good though some times his temper would get the best of him. He was an amazing person always there when needed and he helped me a lot when I need him. I guess you could call my family normal; we weren't that different then any other family.

I had a pretty good life; I was a swimmer who had promise of getting to the Olympics and getting into university on swimming scholar ship as well as many good friends. Sadly though that all changed and not slowly I mean like in a matter of one phone call.

You see I just got out of swim practice and went into the lobby to find my mom so she could take me home, it was a Friday so I had practice in the morning to, I need to sleep. I looked around and she was no where, so I called her, when she answered her phone all I could her was her crying and yelling and then the line went died. Of course I freaked out, I was asking anyone and everyone if they had seen or heard anything, everyone said no so I tried her phone again. No answer and then I tried my dad's phone and of course no answer, so you can imagine I was scared out of my mind. Then the police came into the lobby, I didn't notice them that much until they came and told me what happened…

They told me that… that my brother had been shot…. And he died on the scene….my mind went blank as the tears slide down my face with any noise… I was alone… He told me that going home was a bad idea because no one was there and when my mom and dad got home it would be bad. I was alone … no where to stay… I looked around for my best friend but she was away not even in the country… that's when I was crushed into a hug by my other good friend Shaun. He told me I could stay with him that night…

So I stayed with hid family for three days, I didn't eat, didn't talk, didn't sleep. I was a empty. I went home and it got worse, my mom was always crying, my dad was like a stone and I was alone, all I wanted to do was dye but I knew I couldn't do that to my parents. I tried to smile to comfort my mom but I only ended up crying myself. I love my mom so much and it killed me to have to sit and watch her cry well I sit there helpless.

This went on for a long time, I went to school but i learned nothing, my average went down and I didn't care… what the hell did it matter? I changed a lot in that time, I went from the girl who wore happy colors to wearing black, piercing my nose and lip and wearing lots eyeliner. I was different and I lost all my old friends only to form new ones, my best friend Jessica stayed away more and more as I changed. I quit my team because it was too hard to be part of something when I didn't know myself, I lost me.

So when I came home from school one day and there was a for sale sign on the front lawn, i didn't know what to think. I wasn't ready to leave this place but at the same time I was happy to go live in a place where I didn't have so many reminders of … _him. _My mom said we were moving to a small place called LaPush, my mom had a friend that had moved there some time ago, but they were still close. I had nothing to say, so I went along with it, it didn't matter where we went I would stand out. I haven't smiled a real smile since the day… it happened. Though I have tried to move on and live my life, it was too hard to forget the one person who has always been for me and never judged me and loved me. He was an amazing person and he was gone just like that, gone forever never coming back.

Now my mom is very quite and always wrapped up in her own little world and my dad is never home anymore, but who can blame him. You walk in the door and it is like very bit of happiness you feel is gone, that's why I barely send time at home. Not that anyone notices.

So that's me, I know sad story, whatever. I haven't moved on but I have found some nice ways of dealing with my pain. They go by tow names, drugs and alcohol; you would be surprised how much they help. I know, I know they are bad for me and they will ruin my life, blah blah blah, well I have news for you my life was ruined one year ago. So what the hell does it matter? It doesn't, at least not to me.

Right now I am standing out side my new house… wow it is small only two bedrooms and two bath rooms… oo well I at least this place had nice beach, it sounded like a great place to think. I went inside and put on my make up and put my hair up, then yelled at my mom I was going down to the beach, like she cared anymore. The beach wasn't far away it only took about a ten minute walk from my house, not that I cared it gave me lots of time to think. Though thinking isn't a good thing unless I have something after to calm me down but sadly I had nothing, which left me with two options, one break down and let it all out, yea right, two go find some one who could hook me up. I chose number two - I don't cry anymore - I walked down the beach looking for some people who looked like they could have some on them, and right now I wasn't looking for something to drink.

Then I saw a group of very large people sitting around eating, mmm… maybe they could help me out. I decided it was better to ask then miss out, I walked over to them and saw them all give me a once over, "Hi I am new here my name is Savannah." I put on my best fake smile, they ate it right up.

"Well Hey I am Embry" One of them said I smiled again, then they all introduced them selves expect one just kinda stared at me, though it wasn't one of those o-my-god-she-is-a-freak stares, more of an adoring stare I think?

"Umm so what you guys doing?" They said just hanging around and eating …mhm not the answer I was looking for, alight then time to ask them what I want know, " Yea well I was…wondering if any of you might know of someone who could …you know hook me up?" I put on my you-know-what-i-am-talking about face on.

They all stared at me not really understanding, then the one who called himself Embry gave me a once over and understood, " Look I know you may have heard some stuff, but we aren't like that" His face was very serious, whatever that wasn't helping in any way.

"Oo I haven't heard anything about you guys, i just really need to get high" that's when they all understood what I was talking about and they all did the same thing as Embry gave me the once over, finally seeing the real me.

"We can't help you sorry." One of them said to me, I had no idea who but his tone was starting to piss me off.

"Well then I will be on my way, and I know you all have already decided what kind of person I am, but to be honest I don't care. You have no idea who am I so screw you! " I looked at them one more time to see that one kid still staring, but when I said they don't know my I could see that he wanted to... Weird, but whatever… I walked away to hear they start to argue about something, but they no longer had held any interest to me, then I could hear some one running after me.


	2. Silent tears

Ok so some one was calling out my name and telling me to slow down, now why in the world would I listen? I wouldn't, so I kept walking down the beach ignoring who ever was calling my name. A very warm hand grabbed my shoulder making my stop, I turned slowly to face the person who decided not to take the hint when I ignored them.

"Savannah?" I turned all the way around to come face to face with a very good looking guy. Of course he was over 6'3 so I had to look up, me being only 5'2, "I never had a chance to introduce myself back there. I'm Collin."

He moved his hand from my shoulder and held it out for me to shake; i rolled my eyes but shook his hand. "Hi Collin, it seems you already know my name…?" I raised an eye brow, he just nodded, "Alright then, well I have to be going now, back to my little search…" I smiled and started to turn around when once again his overly warm hand came down on my shoulder.

"Well, what are you looking for? I might be able to help you?" Ok well it seems he wasn't listen back there…mmm I could use that to my advantage..

"Well actually I was in search of a good party?" I raised my eye brows again. He nodded and asked what kinda party, "Well you know just one where I can get something to drink… and have some fun…" he nodded once again and told me of a party that was going on just a street down.

I started walking in that direction, but noticed he was still standing behind… mmm time for some more fun… "Hey Collin, you coming or what?" He walked very quickly to my side and I reached down for his hand, the smile that came onto his face almost made me feel bad about playing him…almost…

We arrived pretty quickly, as I walked into the front room I knew I was at the right place. You see all the drunks dancing and then if you looked closely you could also see some people's eyes were just a little to bug. I walked over to a guy you might as well have stoned written across his forehead. I let go of Collins hand and started dancing with the guy, after about 2 minutes I asked him what he had taken and he told me to go find out, said the best place to look was the basement.

I stopped dancing with him and grabbed Collins hand, he smiled that smile again, jeez I swear his face is going break in half. I made my way to the basement door, opened it and dragged Collin down the stairs with me, once at the bottom I turned to face him, "Look Collin, you are really sweet and stuff, but I understand if you don't want to go with me" I looked at him and I could see the confusion on his face, I sighed, "Collin, you don't have to get high with me if you don't want to…" And the confusion was replaced with shock…

"Savannah….i… well…I guess I could stay, who knows what kinda trouble you'll get into…plus you will need some one to make sure you get home safely…although it is only 5 in the afternoon…." I let him stay but made him promise to wait up stairs, he agreed but it took a lot of convincing. I walked into the only room down there, three guys sat around a table with some yellow-ish powder in lines….perfect crank…just what I need, you see I crank doesn't make you go crazy like E but it is good for forgetting problems.

I got some lines done, only about 5 then headed back up stairs feeling better then I have in a long time. Collin was leaning up against the wall beside the door, he looked worried and maybe it was the crank he was hot! I grabbed his hand and we left the party, as we walked down the street he kept looking over at my, with an anxious expression, "Collin, whats up? You look worried?" I was tried of waiting for him to speak.

"Well…Savannah…I… look I am worried…I just let you go down there…and get…_high.._." he seem almost guilty, like I was his fault.

"Collin, it isn't your fault, I did what I wanted. So I need to go home now, you wanna walk me?" I knew he would say yes, it seemed like he might actually care about me…then again I was high so what did I know.

"Sure…but wait…you are well… you know…and your going home? Won't your mom be kinda pissed?" He seems surprised that I was going home, probably because he didn't know my mom. I told him all about my mom, her not caring about what I do. She knows what I do even though she as only talked to me about it once, she said I was ruining my life and I told her my life was ruined when _he _died, she can't argue with that.

When we got to my house I gave him my number, not sure why, told him I would see him around. I walked in side and my mom was running around looking for something, she looked really nice though. Of course my dad wasn't there, what a surprise. My mom stopped when she saw my and rolled her eyes then told me we where going to have dinner with her friend, Susan Black. Great. She told me to "look nice", whatever, I sighed and went into my room to change. I knew just what to wear; I looked though the boxes until I found my hot pink dress with black lace and a black bow on it. I tied in to back, with some corset lacing, I loved this dress. I reapplied my make up with more eye liner; I throw on my black laced gloves and my pink and my white and black stripped leggings with my black converse. There, I like it, my mom would have something to say about it though, but whatever. I walked down the stairs my mom took one look and shook her head then sighed.

I never asked where dad was, like I would an answer… I got into the passenger side of my moms truck, she turned on the radio to some pop station...Eww... I took out my ipod and put my music on full blast. We arrived at the Black in about 10 minutes, my mom got lost; don't ask me how you get lost in a town the size of a dollar store… We got out the car and the front door swung open and a very pretty dark skin woman stood there, she ran over and hugged my mom. She stepped back to look at me, she said hi and hugged me, I returned the hug because my mom was shooting death glares in my direction. A man in a wheel chair came to the door, with a very tall boy pushing him…wait…oo that is one of the guys from the beach…mmm this should be a blast. I walked over and gave them my best fake smile, I shook hands with the man in the where chair who called himself Billy, and the tall boy introduced himself again and said his name was Jacob.

We went inside, my mom went to help Susan in the kitchen and Billy went back to watch the game, Jacob grabbed my hand and dragged me to his room. Once inside he closed the door and faced me, "How dare you even show your face here? And don't think you can fool me, I know you are high! And your mom is here! And my parents! Are you crazy!!" he wasn't yelling in fear they would hear.

I looked him dead in the eye, "Listen here Jacob Black. I do what I want when I want. And I was dragged here by my non-caring mother, so don't think I care what you have to say." I turned and left the room, I could hear him coming down the hall after me, but I went and sat down on the couch that Billy's chair was beside.

That's when the door opened and in walked about 10 very tall guys and one girl, they all waved at Susan, Billy and Jake. Then they saw me, all they're smile faded but my grew bigger. The only ones I knew the names of where Collin and Jake, I forgot the rest, Collin came and sat beside me, well the others just looked at me. Susan went around and introduced everyone to each other, they all said they knew me form the beach, they never mentioned why we had spoken. Embry sat down on my other side and leaned over to whisper in my ear "So why is a druggie in the Black house? Got bored of your crack party?" I laughed but Collin started to shake, and soon the largest boy, named Sam, grabbed his arm and dragged him outside.

All the kids, as we were called, had to eat outside there wasn't enough room inside. We sat down on the ground, once again I was in between Collin and Embry, and Collin seemed to have calmed down. I decided it was time to correct Embry's early comment. "Hey Embry" he looked up from his food,

"Yea crack head?" I smiled, like I did crack anymore…pfff…

"Well I wanted to inform you that I don't do crack hun" I smiled even bigger when his face became shocked. He didn't have a come back now…. Quil was the one who answered.

"Well then, that changes things. We all thought you were little miss druggie" He smiled playfully at me.

I laughed, "Aww Quil, once again wrong. I hate to tell you but I am little miss druggie" I pulled my face into the what-now-bitch looks.

None of them answered, I went back to eating, when Collin spook.

"Umm Savannah, I was wondering why you do…you know what you do?" He seemed timid, which made no sense, that kid could step on me with he wanted. Everyone else was looking at me, guess the truth should be told.

"Well… Before I moved here , I had a great life, good mom, working dad and a hockey playing brother … I used to have a brother…but umm…he was…he was…killed…last year. Some teenagers found him after a game and beat him to death in the locker room. I can't deal with the pain, so I do anything I can to numb it." By the time I ended a silent tear fell down my cheek; Collin pulled me into his lap and held, I didn't bother to pull away. No one else said anything, I decided this was getting kinda tense, but for some reason I didn't want Collin to let me go. Weird, oo well I stood up and looked at everyone.

"So who wants to play a game?" I asked raising my eyebrows. They all looked up and smiled; happy I had removed the tense atmosphere. We decide to down to the beach and play tag or something, we told Susan and my mom, she barely even looked my way when called her first name, mom didn't work anymore.

We went to the beach and started to chase everyone around, it was a blast. Then out of nowhere one of the guys who I met at the party came over. I smiled and waved he said he wanted to speak to me in private, so I told everyone I would be back in a little. He led me into the woods just by the beach; I leaned against a tree and he stood in front of me. I could tell he was way beyond stoned now, he moved closer and I moved to behind the tree. He came around and pressed me into the tree, he pushed his mouth against mine, I couldn't get him off, and then his hands started to move down to the end of my dress. I pushed harder to get him off but he was strong. I knew what he was doing and the chance of me stopping him wasn't a good one.

Out of now where he was on the ground and on top of him was a huge…wolf? Maybe horse? It turned to look at me, that am when everything went black….


	3. Sleeping for 10 hours

Everything was fuzzy in my head, it was hard to think straight but then again I was high and I passed out, good combo. Wait…ok I think I can hear voices, they are getting clearer, ooo…I heard my name. Ok maybe I should try to open my eyes now, ok that is a lot harder then you think. Ok I can do this….there we go; ok eyes are open, now where in the world am i? What happened? Ooo wait I think I remember…ok there was that guy and he was being a jerk then…ooo…ooo that's right there was the huge wolf like animal…oo jeez what was that thing? Ok wait I am high right? So maybe it wasn't real? Yea right, it was real… oo some one realized I was up… here we go.

"Savannah? Savannah? Can you hear? Savannah?" I knew that voice, it was Collin. Wait how did I know his voice? I have so lost it.

"Where am i?" My voice was weak, and it cracked, great. I looked around cause I had no idea where I was, ok yea still no idea.

"Oo you are at Sam and Emily's house." This time Embry answered me, didn't know he was here. Wait a second, everyone was here! Wow, they take up a lot of room…

I was introduced to Sam and Emily after Collin made sure I wasn't in any way possible, of course I only had a small scrap, but now there was a pretty band aid over it. Every one was very nervous looking, no clue why but I was making me anxious. Collin got my to sit in a chair across the couch that had Sam and Jake on it.

That's when the whole story came out, turns out they are all Werewolves…They change when they are anger, like Collin in the woods…Emily and Kim are Sam and Jared's Imprints… still kinda confused on that matter, they said it was like love at sight but stronger…also vampires live here too…hell why not, if you wanna be crazy why not go all out…so we have Werewolves and vampires and imprints…which turns out I am one of…great…well I have had my fill of crazy for today. So I got up and left, I could walk home.

I could hear Collin calling my name, but I didn't care. I was coming down off my high I need to crash and fast. I would make sense of all this in the morning not now.

Collin's POV

Where is she? She left over 6 hours ago! We told her…told her everything! And she left, just got up and left! Where did she go? God knowing her, she could be doing anything!! I have to go look for! But Sam told me to give her space, left her come to me! Jeez he doesn't know Savannah, ok I have only known her for over a day but still, it feels like I have known her for a long time! She could be in trouble! Or passed out in some alley! I am going crazy!

_No your not…she will come back_...

How do you know? Great now I am arguing with myself...

_You know her…she is just in shock, give her some time, she needs you more then she knows._

Yea, because you know everything, Mr. Smarty-pants…ok I have to stop talking to myself…

Anyway, you know what I am going to find her! Screw Sam he can sit on his ass well the love of my life is wandering around god knows where. I can fell the heat running up and done my spine, here comes the shaking… and done, great.

_Hey Collin whats going on? _

Leave it to Embry to be Mr. Happy Cheery all the time

_Hey being happy is a good thing! Ask Seth!_

Ok, how about no! Damn, ok back to what I was doing…so where would she go? Maybe her house…wait I have no idea where that is… oo wait found her scent!

_Ok you are so going to look for her aren't you? Sam said not too! Jeez Collin wait to break the rules! _

Whatever Jake, I am going. Ok so I am guessing this is her house, maybe I can find her room. Ok all windows are low enough to see into, ok kitchen, living room, guessing parent's room…wait here we go, ok there is she in her bed sleeping. Wow she has lots of pictures in her room, mostly family. In the pictures they are her mom, dad, her and some other kid. OO it was her brother, oo I remember when she talked about him, seeing her cry made my heart break into a million pieces. But at least now I know why she is out of control. I should leave her to sleep, I will talk to her later…

_Good choice dude!_

I kept forgetting there are other people here, this gets annoying some times.

_Hey! You know you love me!_

Whatever Embry… I am going back to Sam's house.

Savannah's POV

Urggg…I am so hungry…I should get up now. Wow, my clock says it is 7 in the morning, wow I have been asleep for over 10 hours. Oo well, right now I need food! I went into the kitchen and of course my mom left a note, she went into Port Angles to shop, her way of dealing. At least I have the house to myself, not that mom would even ask me if I was ok, don't get me wrong she does care about me. She just tends to get stuck in her world, a world where I am fine on my own, which is true. Alright, here we go some nice eggs sound good.

Eggs didn't take long to make or eat; I was done in about 20 minutes. That's when it hit me, everything that happened yesterday…wait was it yesterday…not sure but I do know what I was told. Jeez, how do I deal with this, you know maybe I should go see Collin make sure I understand everything about him being a werewolves…which does include imprinting…damn I forgot about that. Well I should see him anyway, I thought about what to say as I walked up the stairs to get dressed. I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror, it wasn't pretty. I quickly removed all my make up, only to put a new layer on. I went over to my closet and grabbed my black skinner jeans along with my blue converse. I pulled on my favorite blue shirt that had a pink flamingo on it; i also put on some blue eye shadow and straightened my hair.

Just as I was about to leave, I realized I had no idea where to find Collin, guess I would just go over to Emily's house, I remembered the way there. I left a note for mom; I didn't need to freaking out and going to look for me again. As I walked I tried to think of what to say, I knew I should say sorry for running off like that, hope he wasn't too worried about me. I should also thank Emily and Sam, they seemed very nice, maybe I should thank everyone, but then again I wasn't one for thank-you's. I guess I could be nice I could see myself being friends with Embry, he very funny, my kinda person. Then it crossed my mind, what if they never wanted to see me again, I mean most people aren't ok with druggies hanging around, I knew Collin would stay by my side but the others?

I walked up to the little yellow house and quickly knocked on the door, not giving myself a chance to walk away. Emily answered the door; I never noticed how pretty she was, or the three scars on her face. She smiled at me and told me to come in, as soon as I was in the front door all the noise stopped and everyone – there was like 10 huge guys in the room, but no Collin- looked at me.

"Umm where's Collin?" I asked Emily, it came out like a whisper.

"SAVANNAH!" Embry came running from the kitchen and pulled me into a hug. I started laughing; everyone in the room seemed to relax.

"Embry put her down" Quil was one who finally said something, "Savannah Collin is out with Sam, but I can go get him if you want?"

I smiled and nodded, Quil got up and left. I sat down on the couch, Embry sat down beside me and we started talking about some very random stuff, I felt like I belonged somewhere for the first time in a long time. About 5 minutes later Quil came in and then Sam, but I couldn't see Collin, my breath stopped, was he hurt? Lost? Gone?

"Umm Savannah, Collin wants to talk you to outside, if that's ok?" Sam had a very serous expression; I nodded and walked towards the door. Once I was out side I saw Collin sitting on the hood of some ones truck.

"Hey" my voice was very low, but he seemed to hear me, he looked up and slide of the car.

"Hey Savannah," he was walking to me now; once he was close enough i pulled him into a hug. He was careful, trying not to scare me, but I already decided that I didn't care what he was, "Sorry if I scared you, I didn't mean to scare you in anyway" he sounded so sweet, I knew he meant it. "I mean I know you had to find out… but maybe there was anyway to tell you, with scaring you.. I knew that it would come as a shock I mean it was to me after I first found out what was going on…" he trailed off.

"Collin" I said as I put my finger to his lips to get him to shut up, "It is ok… I thought about and really it doesn't matter to me… it was a shock but… it isn't like it made me see you any different" He was smiling under my finger by now; I heard the door open and Sam came out.

"Collin, have you two talked about it yet?" Ok now I am confused, what was Sam talking about? About what? Collin shook his head, what was going on? Sam nodded and walked back into the house. Collin took my hand and led me to a small patch of grass; He sat down and looked me right in the eye.

"Savannah, you know you are my whole world right?" I nodded, "Well I don't want you to change in any way! But the pack… they are worried about both of us…" he paused and I some what understood, of course they were worried about me, I was losing my mind for gods sake, "Look they are worried about you, because of your emotional state and the things you do…like the drugs and drinking.." knew it, but I don't know if I can change, I mean what does it matter if I do that stuff, it only hurts me, " but now they are worried about me, because it hurts me to see you do this tings to you, to hurt yourself and as well they are worried about the power you have over me… you see I would give you the world if it made you happy…so they are worried about…about the factor that…that I might get into the same trouble…" my mind was blank, they couldn't think I would do that to Collin, but him though hell and back? I could never.

I knew he could see the look of disbelief on my face, "Savannah, I never would think that, but they are like my family, they worry about me" I grimaced at the mention of a caring family, because we all know I don't have one. All I wanted to do was go yell at them, for making the assumption I would hurt Collin, what did they know? I got up and started to walk back towards the house, they were in for it, I would never put someone thought what I went though! Ever!

I stomped up the steps and throw the door open; they were all sitting around talking, none of them looked happy, almost sad. I saw Emily crying and Sam was tying to calm her down, Embry got up and came over to hug me, though this hug was different then the last one, not a happy hug more of a I am sorry hug. What was going on? Embry bent down to whisper in my ear, "Savannah I am so sorry… we just got a call…your mom was hit by a drunk driver…she has passed on hun."


	4. Rule number one

I felt like ice… a stone…no feeling at all… I knew I was being passed from Embry's warm embrace into Collin's arms…but nothin mattered… I was lost, I needed to leave, and it wasn't that I didn't want to be around the pack. It was just I needed to be alone; I needed to find my dad, talk to him. Where was I going to live? Maybe home, but he did he even know where that was? Was he going to come home? Did he even care about me? What would I do if he didn't? Wait… Who hit my mom? Where was she hit? Did they get the guy? Did he die? Does he even care he killed my one bit of hope? Way to many questions for my head right now, I need to go.

I didn't notice until I looked up from Collin's chest, where my face had been buried, that his shirt had wet marks on it, I was crying and crying pretty hard. I looked up and saw that his eyes mirrored my pain, i didn't know that was possible, but I could tell he was really worried and also in pain from seeing me like this. I told him I needed to go, though it was only a whisper, he heard and handed me a small piece of paper with his cell number, he said to call it if I needed him, I knew I would at some point, there was no way I could do this alone. I nodded and walked towards the door thanking everyone once again, I knew they would understand.

I started walking down to the drive way to the road, I had no idea where I was going but I was headed somewhere. Trees…Trees…Trees… more trees…oo look a bush…whoa…I had been walking for some time now, that's when I stopped, man I was in need some sort water.

_How can you think about that right now?!_

Hey I am thirsty! Whatever, it was getting dark better some where to get something soon. Ok well there is a McDonalds…oo and right there…great a club… Looks like I now where I am going, I know I know I am only 16 so I can't get in, but with the right fake ID anything is possible.

I walked up and handed the huge body guard my ID, he just nodded and let me in, "Tonite" was blasting and people where dancing like drunken fools. Though none of this interested me, the only thing in my line of sight was the bar, I needed to be numb and I needed it now! I walked up and ordered the hardest stuff they had, the guy gave me a strange look but said nothing.

I wanted to get smashed, I wanted to forget everything and I knew it was stupid to do this but what can you do?

_Well let's see… oo yea you could no drink? _

Shut up… finally I the guy got me my drink, at first I just sipped it, but soon I was drinking it like my life depended on it. I was probably six drinks in when this guy came up and sat down beside me, he looked over and asked me to dance of course I said yes and soon we were on the dance with everyone else. It was some what into the third song with a strange man came over to us and started asking my dance partner if he had any on him, that's when it clicked this guy was packing!

_Oo don't do this! C'mon, you said you promised to change! Think of Collin!! So you want to hurt him!?_

No, of course I didn't want to hurt Collin, but who was I kidding, I am smashed and feel like being stupid!

_Great… well here we go! Goodbye rational thinking!_

Man I am even sarcastic to myself! I looked my dance buddy in the eye and asked him if he had any on him, he said yes so we went outside. He pulled out this bottle of pills, wait… oo he gives out prescription meds…well never tried that before, but then again there is a first time for everything. Looks like this is it! I read the bottle, perfect anti-depressents…just what I needed, I took over ten pills that's for sure.

Everything was going hazy, and it was spinning… I think I am alone, my little friend left me…where am i? this isn't good… oo god what do I do, I feel funny…

_O shit! You know not to mix drinks and drugs!! The one major rule!! God! Ok…ummm what to do…oo call Collin! Call him!_

I took out my phone and the piece of paper and dialed, it was harder then you think! He picked up on the first ring, I told him the name of the club and to hurry. I was going numb, I heard my phone hit the ground, but I don't remember letting it go. I can't feel my legs, and my vision is very blurry. The wind was flying past me face and soon my nose was on the ground, it was cold and I could barely fell.

_Great I am dying…well if my heart stops; it can't feel pain anymore right? Jeez, well I bet Collin's still can, this will kill him! Damn! _

Everything was going black; it was like looking though a funnel. I feel like I am clinging to an edge inside my head, I am scared to let go of the edge in fear of what is below. I think I can hear voices; I am not sure though…maybe…yea those are voices. One is saying my name…but I am way to far gone to answer…that's the last thing that crossed my mind as my fingers slip off the edge, I fall into a compete blackness and everything is quit.


	5. Crazy farm!

God, that stupid beeping is getting on my damn last nerve, it just never stops and yea yea I know it is only beeping to show my heart is still moving but does it have to be this annoying! I figured out that if my heart stops the beeping will to but then I well kinda dye so I guess I will just have to live with it. Damn.

Oo yea I forgot to mention, right now I am in a very uncomfortable hospital bed under suicide watch, even though I honestly was not trying to take my life away, but do they listen…NO! I also waiting for some lady who is coming to talk to me about my life and why I did what I did, like I don't already know! She is the one that gets to decide if I get to go free to if I get a one way ticket to the crazy farm.

I also found out that my dad decided to pack up and move with out me! Brady was sent to my house to tell my dad I was in the hospital but when he got there all he found was an empty house with a note:

_Dear Savannah_

_Honey I know times are tough but i know you will do fine on your own. I need to leave to start over, I packed all your stuff in this boxes and I hope you will be fine. I have left some money for you but I can't let you keep the house as it has been sold. Please take care of yourself because I can no longer care for you, I do love hun I truly do but now that you mother is gone I no longer know myself and I need to find me. Try not to hate, I will come back to find you one day but until then stay strong!_

_Never forget that everyday is a new chance to change!_

_Love Dad_

I read that note over and over again, but I never made me feel any better.

I have been awake for just over 5 hours now, in those hours I have got to see everyone but mostly Collin since the longest I have gone without him at my side is about 5 minutes. He can't be away to long but that's ok with me, it is funny though since I really don't know where we stand, like I know we are bond by like magic and are soul mates and stuff but really we haven't even talked about where we stand. I know that I do want to be this girlfriend but I…. in this situation I…. ok so really I don't know what is stopping me but I just feel like I am stuck in this horror story right now with no way out.

Knock. Knock.

Great here comes the lady, might as well get this over with and I am sure as hell not leaving La Push right now, not that Collin would let me!

"Hello Savannah, my name is Dr. Susan Fraser but you can call me Susan. I am here to talk you about what you have been though and the best way to deal if this." She looked ok, she wore a blazer and a pencil skirt with her hair tied up into a bun on her head. She made her way over to the chair beside my bed and pulled out her clip board, which no doubt was filled with questions to ask me. "So let's start of with why you are here, do you know why you are here?"

Was she that stupid! I felt like saying no I have no idea! But I decided that might not make a good first impression, "Yes I am fully aware the actions that got me here, I understand what I have done wrong as well as why I did those things." I keep my face blank the whole time, maybe she would get that I truly didn't want her here.

"That's good Savannah, but would you mind explaining those actions the reasons behind them?" She seemed to actually care about what I had to say, so I told her everything expect the whole werewolf thing because well that might seem kinda crazy. She listened to every word and would sometimes write a thing or two down on her note pad, she never seemed bored or just wanted to leave. After 3 good hours I finished my story and let me tell you i didn't cry the whole time, I am not sure why since that story was as far from happy as you can get. Not a single rolled down my cheek, strangely I felt like I had come to terms with what has happened and even stranger I feel like that has something to do with seeing Collin outside the window the whole time.

"Well Savannah, it seems to me that you just need to re-adjust to life. You will be fine as long as you stop hurting yourself by doing drugs and drinking the way you do, you are a very smart young lady and I know you have a great future ahead of you. Keep trying, it will be very hard some a little bit, losing 2 out of 3 family members is not easy but seeing all those people out in the waiting room makes me believe you are loved more then most. Now I can't release you from the suicide watch but you only have about one day left so try not to do anything crazy, you will be fine. I think I will leave from because judging by the look on your boyfriends face he is about to break down the door. Good luck Savannah, I know you can do this!" With that she left, I only had about 10 seconds to think about what she said because soon after Collin was at my side.

I explained everything to Collin; I could see the worry in his face slowly fade away with each good thing the Doctor said. I decided to take this time to ask the most important question on my mind, "Collin… I….Collin I need to know where we stand?" Though the worry had faded it was being replaced by confusion, "Collin…I know we are like bond by fate and stuff, but I'm not even your girlfriend?" you could see the light go off in his head, and the next thing I knew we was sitting on the side of the bed holding my hand.

"Savannah, I am an idiot! Of course I want you to be my girlfriend!! The only question is do you want to be my girlfriend?" How could I say no to that face! But I couldn't find my voice so I just nodded, his smile grew wider and he pulled me into a kiss. It was so sweet, I could feel the fireworks going on in my head, our lips moved together and I never wanted this to end but with my luck that wasn't going to happen.

"Hey Savannah I heard you were….ooo eww Collin!" Embry decided to ruin the moment, his face was so funny though I started to laugh and I knew there was no way that I was going to stop in a while! "Well I was coming in to tell you we need to figure what where Savannah is going to go, because she is under 18 and has no where to live?" His question made my heart stop; they wouldn't make me leave Collin would they? I can't leave, but where do I go? I suddenly felt cold even in Collin's arms; I knew this was way to go to be true. I would lose another person I loved, but this time I wasn't sure I would make it out alive…


	6. Control

**Disclaimer: i do not own twilight!  
I know, I know, it was taken my a long time to update! I am sorry! And just to warn you, this chapter is anything but what you think it is. Sorry if it is a little unsettling. PLease Review!**

**Savannah's POV**

A soft knock on my door broke though my bewildered almost catatonic stare at the wall, the same ugly mint green wall I had been staring at for over three hours now. I was empty of emotions, in the last three hours there wasn't an emotion hadn't felt, anger, sadness, scared, terrified, lonely, and most of all confused.

"May I come in Savannah?" I had expected any one else's voice but the one I was hearing now, it was Mrs. Black. I looked over at the door and paused, not sure if I wanted to talk to someone right now.

I was very tried because of the meds they had put me on after I had some sort of attack when I found out I may have to move away from everyone. The doctor said the attack was cause from my stress level and my new found depression at the thought of moving, he said that it was nothing to be worried about. Yet, but if you piled that unto my many other problems, that he said were plain to see, I was in over my head. Though the doctor told me I would either need to go to intensives therapy almost every day of the week, or worse I would be sent to an institution. My out come was depending on one lady who was to come in and give me a psycho analysis, like I was looking forward to that.

"Savannah? You up? Sweetie?" Oo yea, I kinda forgot about her standing outside my door. I guess it couldn't hurt to talk to her, she always seemed happy so she might be the person to lift my spirits.

"Come on in." Even to me my voice sounds horse and tried, just fan-freaking-tastic. I turned to look at the wall again; I can hear the door scrap the floor as she opens it slowly. Once she shuts it she comes towards my bed and sits down on the chair that Collin had placed there not to long ago. He was going to get something to eat, as well as talking to Sam about my situation.

"Savannah? How are you doing?" I looked over at her and the worry on her face only intensified from looking into my hollow eyes. "I know you are going to a really tough time right now, so I though some good news would be just what you need." As if there was any good news, unless my brother never died, my mother was alive or my father decided he wanted to care for me, there was no good news.

I didn't say anything, she looked down then reached into her purse and pulled out a letter, "I know you received a letter from your father. I know that is what started this whole panic thing, as well as your attack. I also received a letter from him" she stopped and watched as if to judge my reaction. If that was good news then I had the wrong definition of good news, "In my letter he did talk about leaving you behind" at that my eyes started to sting new tears threatening to escape, but I kept my face blank, "He was worried about what would happen to you after he left, so he asked one favor of me." Where is this good news she was talking about, no matter what the favor was I still going to have to leave, "The favor he asked was that I adopt you, so that you have somewhere to call home. Now the decision is up to you, but I have the paper work ready to go."

After that she left me alone to think. The way she said it made it sounds as if taking me in was a chore, like she didn't really want to. Then again it could be she is tried, but that is unlikely, because no one really wants me anymore. Not even Collin who I haven't seen in over two hours, he is always by my side yet he is not here.

I didn't have to leave.

I could live here.

But did I want to.

All I had to do was say yes or no. I could manage that right? Just open my mouth and say one or the other. I look around for some sign of what to do when my eyes fell upon a small surgical knife not to far from my bed, if they were smart they would never have left that in a suicide watch room. I have never really cut myself before I never had a reason. Looking at that knife now made me think that I had a reason, for once I wanted to be in control, have power or something. Even if that something was my own blood that I could let pours out of my arm.

I got up and walked over to where the knife lay; I picked it up and sat down on the side of my bed. They say there is a first for everything so might as well get it over with. I put the razor sharp edge against the skin of my arm, the blade sitting right along the major vein in my arm. I pressed the knife down expecting pain and I did feel pain but more then that I felt relief. I pressed harder until I couldn't feel anymore. I could see the blood that was spilling out of my wound I could care less, I felt in control. I didn't stop until my fingers started to hurt from the pressure.

O my gods this was weird!

Why can't I move!

What is going?

I can hear the heart monitor pick up pace. Mrs. Black comes back in and I see her mouth is moving but I can't hear her. She looks worried and is moving her hand back and forth in front of my face.

I feel like I am looking though a dark tunnel, I see her figure move to the door and go outside. Seconds later she returns with more people but I am unable to identify this people because slowly I am losing my grip on the real world.

Suddenly all I see is black, everywhere. Until I feels like I am asleep drifting into the world of dreams.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

**Collin's POV**

Mrs. Black had just informed us of the letter she received and how Savannah wouldn't have to move! I was so over come with joy, I forget that Savannah hadn't answered the question yet. Mrs. Black said she was going to go see if Savannah had decided on an answer yet, I wanted to go as well but Sam said it would be easier if only one person was to go.

I had to agree because since Savannah had that attack her mental health was my biggest concern, the doctor wasn't sure what they would do with her after the lady came in to do her psycho analysis. I only wanted what was best for her, if that was meant an institution I would learn how to deal with no seeing her very much. Though it would really suck since being away from her is emotional and physically painful, I wanted to be by her side no matter what.

We waited for Mrs. Black to return with an answer but instead all we heard was a scream, we all tensed up looking for danger, until we released the scream was from Mrs. Black. We ran down towards Savannah's room to find Mrs. Black out in the hall way yelling for help, I looked into the room and saw the most horrible sight I have ever seen.

Savannah was lying in her bed, covered in blood.

Her face blank, pale and somewhat peaceful.

But worst of all beside her laid a bloody knife.

And on her arm was a huge cut.

She did this herself.

She did this to herself.

**Please review! Let me know if you think! Sorry once again if you didn't like where i took the story but i am reading this book called "Impulse" and i was very interested in it so i took some ideas from it! Let me know if you like! And if you have any ideas on what could happen next let me know, i am so stuck right now!  
Swimming Cutie xoxo**


	7. What now?

**Disclaimer: I do not own twilight...  
Sorry it has taken me so long to update, i am in the middle of exams right now, so that is why this chapter is way on the short side! I will update as soon as possible. Until then, feel free to check out my other stories! Please review and thank you for reading!**

**Savannah's POV**

"Savannah, I know you may feel that talking to me is a waste of your time since you are perfectly fine, but we still need to talk. You are burying something deep down in side because 2 suicide attempts are not something normal. Last time I talked with you I knew the point of the first time was not to kill your self but now I am starting to second guess that." Mr. Fraser stopped to sign and decided to take a different approach, "Savannah, right now I have no choice but to send you to Skyland Trail treatment center. I know you do not want to go there and I am sure the young man outside the door doesn't want you to leave either but… from your actions and what you have shown to me… I well… I have to send you." She got up from her beside me bed and walked over to the door, "I will be right back to explain everything about Skyland Trail and tell you why I need to send you there."

With that she left me to think alone, but of course me and alone aren't together very often now a days. Collin walked in and sat down where Dr. Fraser had just been, "So what did she say?" I raised an eyebrow at him, like he couldn't hear what she said. He was freaking werewolf hearing for crying out loud! "Ok yea, I heard her. I was just hoping I heard wrong, I don't want you to leave."

His face was so sad it broke my heart; I didn't want to leave him either but looks like I have no choice. You see, after my little incident with the cutting I woke up and was told Dr. Fraser was coming back in and Collin was refusing to leave my side. It took my 20 minutes to convince him he could stand out side the room without my trying to kill myself again, he didn't believe me. They had stitched up my arm well I was unconscious and now I have a huge line up my arm, it looks kinda scary.

The door opened slowly and in came Dr. Fraser with some papers in her hands, she gestured for Collin to stand and so he did. She sat down and looked though the papers and pulled one out, Collin was on the other side of my bed holding my hand tightly but I couldn't stop twitching my fingers. "Savannah, here is the pamphlet about Skyland Trials. Please read it after, but I did say I would explain why I am sending you… You see after running some tests and observing your behavior I have come to a conclusion. The results demonstrate that you have a mental illness; your father has the same one but not as serve as yours seems to have become. Savannah, your bipolar."

**Please review! Thanks for reading and once again sorry for the shortness! You have the right to kill me over the internet! SORRY!! I will update when i get the chance! Please review!  
Swimming cutie xoxo**


	8. What you mean to me

**Disclaimer: I do own twilight!  
I have re-written this chapter since i was not happy with the outcome of the first one. I owe so much to I Am Switzerland101 for helping me so much!!! This whole chapter is dedicated to you I Am Switzerland101!! Thank you again. I hope you all enjoy this chapter better then the last. Enjoy!!**

**SAVANNAH'S POV**

"Savannah I can find a way to go with you, if you want me to?" Collin has been asking me that same question for the last half an hour well I finished packing my things. Truth is I wanted him to come with me more then anything but I needed to do this on my own plus there is no way I am putting him there that. Dr. Fraser had explained every thing to me which is what made up my mind; I don't think I have bipolar disorder but there things I could work on and she said they would help me get over my losses.

"Collin, as much as I would love for you to come with me, this is something I need to sort out on my own. I will miss you very much! Leaving you is hard enough, but i couldn't handle it if you had a front row seat to my treatment. Okay?" I felt horrible for saying this again but it was true, I know he wanted to come with me.

He nodded his head and tried to look unparsed by the matter at hand but I could see the sorrow and despair in his eyes.

"Savannah, are you ready to go now?" Dr. Fraser was standing in my room way, her face looked unsure. I know she is scared to send me to Skyland Trials as well; she was worried about my acceptance to a new environment and new people.

"Yea, I guess I am." I nodded my head slowly, looking right at the floor which was much better then seeing their faces, both I already knew were heartbroken. I had gotten to know Dr. Fraser a lot better and she has become almost a friend to me, even though my 'mood' swings could get out of hand.

Dr. Fraser nodded and walked out of the room leaving me to say goodbye to Collin. I turned to face him slowly, the tears already building up.

I forced myself to not cry, and looked him the eyes. "I guess this is bye." The look in his eyes was beyond heartbreaking, "Only for two weeks though." I added as a second thought, hoping to soften the blow.

He pulled me into a hug, resting his head on top of mine, "I am going to miss you so much Savannah. Two weeks seems like an eternity, but this is what you need so who am I to stand in the way."

The tears started to spill over without my permission. It felt like I was losing the one thing I had left, the one thing that truly matter. "I have been waiting for the perfect time to tell you this but I guess now is as good as it gets."

I looked up wiping away the tears that now stained my cheeks, "What are you talking about?" My voice cracked from the tears and from concern. Who knows what he would say? My mind started running though the most horrible things I could imagine, "Your not breaking up with me, are you?" My voice was shaking and my breath was coming in really fast, it felt like the world started to melt around me leaving me all alone.

"Savannah! Breathe!" I took one huge breathe, I didn't notice that I had stopped breathing, "No, I could never break up with you; there is not another person I want. I just want to let you know before you leave that…" The tears were stilling falling faster now, even though I knew my first guess was wrong. I was hoping to god he didn't say the three little words that I wanted to hear so much because they would either make or break me right now. And I have no idea which on it will be.

"I just wanted to say that…I love you Savannah." There they are. The tears were still falling but they slowed a little bit.

"I love you too." The words were out of my mouth before I could form the response in my head, "I just… I already feel lost with no way out."

"Ok, just calm down. What do you mean lost with no way out? Do you need more meds? Should I get the nurse?" He sounded so worried, it only added to the lost feeling.

"Collin. When I'm gone, who's going to be there when I cry? Going to hug and tell me it will ok? Going to make me laugh when I need to? Going to give me that warm feeling that comes with being whole again?

I am so lost without you, I don't know how function. I have lost ever important thing besides you, and now they are telling I have to say goodbye?

The people at place, how I can ask them to understand something that only you would get? I have no way out, because without you the light that guides me is hidden. I just don't know if I can say goodbye." My voice was thick with tears, making it hard to speak. I was crying so hard right now I couldn't even see, but the pain in my chest blocked every other feeling.

"Savannah, I love you more then anything, and trust me I will be right there everything visiting day! God, they will be luck if I don't break into your room in the middle of the night. You're truly my world and you always will be no if, ands buts. I know what mean and honestly I feel the same way, but we will both have to adjust. This is the best thing for you and I couldn't live with myself if I in any way stopped you. I will miss you every second of everyday, but I'll know that you are where you need to be. This isn't goodbye either, more like I will see you later. Ok?" Even though what he said brought more tears to my eyes it did some how help with the pain in my chest. I forgot that he would be able to see me at least once a week!

"Savannah? We need to get going now dear." Dr. Fraser said from outside the door. I nodded knowing she would see me, taking I deep breath I prepared myself for what I had to do.

Trying not to break down completely, I pulled back from the hug and stood on my tippy toes, giving him one last kiss. I didn't want to ever end the kiss but Collin knew I had to leave so he ended it for me. I looked around the hospital room again making sure I got everything from the boxes my father left. The stuff I am not taking is going to be at the Black's until I return from treatment, I have agreed to live with them until i go to college, if I get in that this.

I grabbed my stuff from my bed, whispering a soft "goodbye" walking out of the room. Walking down the corridor was a bit unnerving, all the doctors gave me knowing looks and the nurses looked like I was latest gossip gone badly. Taking several deep breaths I finally made it to the parking lot where Dr. Fraser and her car were waiting to transport me to my new personal hell.

Dr. Fraser helped me put all my things in the trunk with out talking, and I climbed into the back seat so I could sleep during the drive. Skyland Trials was about 4 hours away; grabbing my ipod I leaned back and blasted my music.

_If you hear this, wherever you are_

_Just know I need you here_

_I need you near me now  
you were brighter than the pale white moon reflected in your eyes  
so I guess it's no surprise_

_I can't forget you, no matter what I do_

_I will always carry you in my heart  
you'll always be my shooting star  
autumn days will fade away_

_But memories will always stay the same  
I'm hoping you will never change, don't ever change_

I choose that song because it really described the way I was feeling right now. The way I was feeling about Collin. Those are the things I would say to him next time I get the chance, because all of it is so true! Tears were stilling silently falling down my face but Dr. Fraser never commented. Never change by Dear Juilet is such an aswesome song when it comes to feelings.

I must have fallen asleep because according to the time we have been driving for just over 2 and ½ hours, another hour and ½ to go until I get there. I turned, looking out the window. It was beautiful outside; everything was green and blooming all around me. Staring out the window was like looking into another world, a world where there were no doubts, no uncertainties and no sorrow. That was the place I wanted to be, with Collin standing by my side the whole time. Peaceful. Forever.

_Sometimes life seems too quiet  
Into paralyzing silence  
Like the moonless dark  
Meant to make me strong_

_Familiar breath of my old lies  
Changed the color in my eyes  
Soon he will perforate the fabric of the peaceful by and by_

_Sorrow lasts through this night  
I'll take this piece of you  
And hope for all eternity  
For just one second I felt whole  
As you flew right through me_

_Left alone with only reflections of the memory  
To face the ugly girl that's smothering me  
Sitting closer than my pain  
He knew each tear before it came  
Soon he will perforate the fabric of the peaceful by and by_

_Sorrow last through this night  
I'll take this piece of You  
And hope for all eternity  
For just one second I felt whole  
As You flew right through me_

"Savannah? I think we should talk before your arrival." Dr. Fraser's voice dragged me back to reality leaving my thoughts of Collin far behind. Turning off my ipod I sat straight up and watched the back of her head. I turned off Sorrow by Flyleaf.

"What did you want to talk about Dr. Fraser?"

"Well for starters, how are you doing so far?" I could hear the undertone of worry in her voice that she was trying to hide.

"I am doing better I guess. It still hurts to think about him, and to think about everything I have done." That was true; before he meet me his life was fine. Then I came along and screwed everything up.

"When you say everything you have done, do you mean to yourself or to him?" She was watching my intently from the re-view mirror.

"Both. I wish I could go back in time to just before my brother died so I could tell him everything. From how much I love him to telling him he will always have a special place in my heart.

The there is my mother; I would give anything to tell her how much she meant to me and how much I miss her everyday! I also wish that after the death of my brother I had at least tried to keep my family together, instead of watching us slowly drift apart until I don't even know my own parents.

Then there is Collin, I can't say I regret meeting him in anyway what so ever. I do wish that I could have in better shape when I meet him though, so that none of this would have happened and he wouldn't be sucked into this disappointing malfunction I call my life.

There are so many things I could have done, so many things I wish I hadn't done!" I hadn't meant for all of that to spill out, mouth had a mind of its own though.

I feel really strange right now though, I think I had that entire confession buried deep down, so deep that I was unaware of it myself.

"Savannah, you need to stop being so hard on your self! You only reacted to the situation that you were stuck in. We all make mistakes, but all you can do is learn from them and move on. As well these things were somewhat caused by your condition, which is not something you can control, only learn to live with."

I knew she was right, though I don't really believe I am mildly bipolar, maybe a teeny tiny bit bipolar but not enough to have to take meds. I nodded grabbing my headphones again; I didn't feel like talking anymore. I think she understood what I was trying to convey, because she didn't try to talk again.

_There's nothing I could say to you  
Nothing I could ever do to make you see  
What you mean to me  
All the pain, the tears I cried  
Still you never said goodbye  
And now I know how far you'd go_

_I know I let you down  
But it's not like that now  
This time I'll never let you go_

_I will be all that you want  
And get myself together  
'cus you keep me from falling apart  
All my life  
I'll be with you forever  
To get you through the day  
And make everything okay_

_I thought that I had everything  
I didn't know what life could bring  
But now I see, honestly  
You're the one thing I got right  
The only one I let inside  
Now I can breathe 'cus you're here with me_

We arrived not long after I stopped talking. I once again turned off my ipod even though i was enjoying listening to I will be by Avril Lavigne. Dr. Fraser didn't say a word to me as we got out and started to gather my things when the trunk.

Once we got all of my stuff from the car we went to the front, and let me tell you this place was beyond gorgeous. It reminded me of a spa kinda, with the whole relaxed theme. The outside looked like wood, maybe bamboo, with the words 'Skyland Trail Treatment Center' written in white bold letters near the double glass doors.

The inside was painted all green and it all looked very chic, from the shiny metal desk to the polished framed certificates hung on the wall behind the reception desk. The lady behind the desk wasn't old but not very young either, I would say somewhere around 40 maybe. She looked nice enough, but from the lack of stress lines I could tell she didn't deal with patients often.

"Hello, I have Savannah and she needs to be checked in." The lady at the front desk nodded at Dr. Fraser. She looked though tons of files before she got mine.

"What is your birthday?" That was kinda a strange question to ask some one right off the bat, but ok why not.

"October 20th?" I gave my answer in the form of a question; I was still confused about why some lady wanted to know my birthday.

"Ok, here you go. That is the key to your room; I always have an extra in case you need it." She handed me a shiny key, not like a hotel room key but more like a house key. "Now you have about 20 minutes to unpack your things before some one will come to speak with you about how this treatment center works. Right now you are on Level 1, which means you can not leave your room unless it is to use the bathroom in which case you must speak to the nurse standing in your hall. Your resident supervisor will explain this in more detail, just listen to them and you will be fine."

We both thanked her and walked down the hall to my room, 219.

It was a large room with one big king bed and a closet, no TV. The walls didn't have any ugly wallpaper, that's a good start. Instead they were painted almost the same color as the lobby; I would call it a light leaf green I guess. The bed spread was an off white color and the pillow were all some a salmon pink. Everything else, such as the curtains, closet doors and bedside table were also an off white. It all followed the whole spa theme, very relaxing and calm colors.

I started to unpack my things with the help of Dr. Fraser, I had a lot of things but luckily the closet was big enough to hold it all. I placed my books on the bedside table, and my pictures of Collin (that he is unaware of me owning) right beside my bed. I miss him already.

When all my things we unpacked I said another painful goodbye to Dr. Fraser, I cried again but I knew she could come any time she wanted so that helped soft the blow.

After she left I sat down on my new bed and started to listen to my music again, waiting for my resident supervisor to come by and explain the rules of hell to me.

**Please review! I really hope this chapter is better then the last. I can't even tell anymore, though i do like how i wrote this one. With more feeling then the last one, i actually cried well writing it, in part where she said goodbye to Collin. It broke my heart. Maybe i am just a sap thouugh! Please review!**

**Thanks for reading!  
Swimming Cutie xoxo**


	9. My Virgin eyes!

**Disclaimer: I do not own twilight!  
Wow. I am so so so so so beyond sorry!! God...i feeel horrible! I got caught up in my other story Definitely Maybe and it took me a long time to write this chapter! So Sorry to every person who reads this!!! SORRY!! Also this is the last chapter that will take place in the treatement center! Enjoy and once i am soo freaking sorry! **

**Savannah's POV**

4 weeks, 5 days, 16 hours and 23 minutes since I last saw Collin. I know it is sad to keep track but trust me when I am not allowed to leave my room it is my only source of entertainment. Heartbreaking entertainment.

I am still a level one, meaning I can not leave my room unless I have to go to the bathroom. Being a level one also means no visitors, so no Collin.

My supervisor should be here soon to talk with me again; I really hope she wants to move me up a level! I should have been moved up one week ago but well…I may have broken a table…by throwing it at a wall… It so wasn't my fault though! I was in a major mania zone (mania is like the up part of my mood swings) and I always wondered if throwing a table at the wall caused it to break apart or if it would just bounce off!

Ok, so when I did that I was on some other meds if you can call them meds. There is this girl here that has outside connections and she was able to smuggle some 'stuff' into the center (stuff = weeds and crystal). I know it is wrong to use that stuff in my position but it was only once and god I was beyond bored and restless, it seemed like a good solution back then.

"Savannah?" Dr. Haley, my supervisor and also my therapist, peered in though the door. I nodded not moving from my laying position on my bed. She entered with a small smile closing the door but fully shutting it since the security guard outside has to be able to hear if anything went wrong. Yea, they assign a guard to your room after you do something like break a table by throwing it at a wall…

"I assume you know why I am here?" Once again I silently nodded in her direction. She took a sit in the chair near my bed, "Alright then down to business. Savannah, I want you to tell me what good it will do you if I move you up a level?"

"Dr. Haley, it's been four weeks since I've seen Collin. I don't know how much longer I can go without seeing him." My voice cracked once due to the tears I was holding back. I realized how vulnerable I sounded when I spoke of Collin. Fitting though since he was my whole world.

"I see. Now if you don't mind me asking, I want to know more about your relationship with Collin. You haven't talked much about it before and I think letting it out will be good for you." Her eyes were pleading. I know she means well and I trust her since she is my only way out.

"I met Collin two months before I got sent here. I met when I first moved here. When I out looking for new connections." I paused to look over a her, she frowned but nodding understand what I mean, " He showed me to a party not knowing what I was looking for…of course I did some stuff, he felt guilty about leading me to it after but agreed to walk me home. That's when he found out about my non caring mother and I gave him my number. My mother dragged me to her friends after and that's were I met Jake, Embry and everyone else. We all got along great, even though they knew what I was into. I made the choice to tell them the truth about my brother's…death." Even now the word still made me wince; Dr. Haley took note of that. I figured it was better to leave the whole werewolf thing out. Being known as the insane girl would not help me here, "I became really good friends with Embry, I miss him a lot. God I miss then all a lot!"

"Savannah? Back to the story please." Dr. Haley said politely.

"O yea, anyways Embry was the one to tell me that my mom died…that was awkward for everyone. After that I went to the club and I am sure your report mentioned my overdose, well Collin was the one I called to come and save me. And he did a pretty good job. Stayed by my side in the hospital after I got the note from my father and held me when I cried about how my life sucked. After that we became officially together. We had always had this magical bond but he finally asked me to be his girlfriend and of course I said yes. After that is when the real shit started…they weren't sure where I was going to end up since I was under eight teen and stuff."

I continued to fill her in on every detail I could remember. I have to thank the gods because after I finished she looked over her notes and decided that moving me up a level was a great idea! I was going to get to see Collin!! The best news I have heard since that day in the hospital! Even if I have to wait until Thursday, 4 days to be exact.

I was barely able to sleep Wednesday night. I got to call Collin today and inform him that I could see him tomorrow. He sounded so excited to hear the news; I heard some cheering in the background before Paul took the phone.

"Thank mother fucking god kid! This guy, well I was about to kill him. He is so beyond depressed and as if that isn't bad enough he feels the need to keep complaining about it!" Paul's irritated voice caused me to laugh. Man, I missed all those guys. Collin had quickly stolen the phone back to say goodnight before hanging up.

Sun light shone brightly on my closed lids waking me from my dream. The best freaking dream ever in my option too. In the dream Collin, Embry and everyone else were on the beach and I came running down to join them. We stayed out there all night. Me cuddling into Collin's warm chest well everyone else talked and laughed. The most epic part though was when Collin leaned down to kiss me but instead whispered in my ear three simple but meaningful words, "I love you."

My disappointment faded instantly when I remember Collin was coming today!!! I jumped out of bed quickly dressing myself so I could down to the cafeteria for my breakfast.

Once I grabbed my food I sat down at my normal table. And no, I am not some freaky loner girl. Other people sit at my table. I met them my first out of my room. There is Lilly, who is an awesome artist but has schizophrenia, meaning her perception or expression of reality are different then most people. In option though that is whats makes her art so fantastic, it has that unreal quality about it! Lilly was sent her after she had a fit in the hospital, yelling at everyone about trying to kill her in her sleep just because she was in on the big secret. No one knows what the secret is yet…

Hilary also sits at my table when she is left out of her room. She was diagnosed with Major depression once they found all the cuts on her wrist and her addiction to pain numbing drugs. But the main thing that caused them to send her here was the fact she tried to kill herself by shooting a gun she found. She was living with her aunt at the time and the gun was in the bed side table. No one was home so she went for it hoping to finally put an end to the roaring pain in her chest. As you can tell she didn't succeed with this, they found her too quickly afterwards. I can sympathize with her about that stuff but the different between us is that she knew the person who killed her whole family. She was part of a 7 member family and they were all killed by her best friend.

There is also Toby. Poor kid has OCD, Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder. OCD is obsessions resulting in compulsive behaviors and mental acts that the person feels driven to perform. Toby is obsessed with having things be color, number or size order. If something isn't he has to fix it right away, he is scared that if something doesn't follow that order then someone close to him will die or something will happen to a good friend all because he didn't fix it. It truly scares him. He was sent here after it got too much for his parents to handle. He wasn't allowed in school since too many things there were out of his control and his parents were worried about him so they sent him here for treatment.

That's my group of friends here. My condition doesn't even come close to any of theirs. They will need intense treatment for life, but Dr. Haley says that as long as I take my meds I should be fun. I will need to continue seeing a doctor and therapist after I leave but besides that I can return to my normal life. Only Lilly and Toby were at the table this morning.

I finished breakfast in a hurry. Visiting started in 20 minutes and I was ready to explode from happiness. Because this was my first visit I was being put into a small room with a table and four chairs. One of the walls was a huge mirror but I know it is really a two way mirror so they can keep an eye on my visit.

The guard walked me before giving me a warning glace. He shut the door and I took a sit in the first chair. Cracking my knuckles I waited for Collin to arrive, and it was taking forever. I started to grow more anxious as time went by; crawling at such a slow rate I was ready to mash the freaking clock hanging on the wall, taunting me with its painfully slow ticking.

Just then the door swung open, "SAVANNAH!!!" Collin ran in and grabbed me into a tight hug. My feet left the floor as he swung me around in circles. Laughing with him I kissed his face all over, but his face had changed. There were dark purple bags under his eyes and his face was almost sunken, but his eyes, those amazing deep brown eyes, regained life when he saw me. I bet you could same the about me though. Not being around him for 4 weeks was unbearable.

Putting me down he didn't release his hold on my waist, and I snuggled closer to him enjoying his warmth while I could. I decided to take action on my thoughts. It has been four freaking long ass weeks since I got to kiss him so now seems like my best chance, reaching up on my tippy toes I crashed my hungry lips into his warm waiting ones. God, it felt amazing to kiss him again. It only reminded me that we belong together. Forever. That one word sent my heart into overdrive. I loved him more then anything in this world. We stood by during my worst and was there during my best. I would give up everything I had just so this kiss could continue but as normal my wish didn't come true.

That's okay though because the person who interrupted was worth it.

"Savannah! Aww come on guys! Eww! My Virgin eyes!" Embry shouted as he walked in on our make out session.

**So there it is. The next chapter will be about her leaving the center and returning back to normal life. Just to remind everyone she is being released from the center at the end of Augest! So thanks for reading!**

**Swimming Cutie xoxo**


	10. Smiling down at me

**Disclaimer: I do not own twilight!**

**Ahh! I am so so so so sorry right! I feel horrible about not updating for so long! God, i am such a bad person! I got really into writing my other stories and this kinda slipped to the back of my mind but once again sorry! Also, there is only one chapter left in thei story... i am sad to say goodbye to it but it is coming to an end! The last chapter will be the Epilogue. **

**And now onto the story!**

**Savannah's POV**

"Bye Savannah. I am really going to miss you. Make sure to write to me, because you know as well as I do that this place isn't going to be nearly as much fun now that you are gone." Lilly whispered in my ear as she hugged me one last time. She also slipped some contact numbers into my pocket, incase the 'people' find me, her words not mine.

To say that I was excited to leave was a totally under statement.

Thrilled, overjoyed, ecstatic and euphoric were such better words.

I have dreamed about being discharged from this hell hole many times over the past 7 months but none of those dreams ever came close to the real thing.

Lilly released me but it was only a matter of seconds before I was once again pulled into a tight hug, this time but Tony. "Gonna miss you squirt," snorting I squeeze him harder, how many times have I told him I hate that nickname, "Really gonna miss you Savannah. You are going to write, that was no request it was an order."

Laughing I nodded at him as I pull away and turn to Hilary.

Her eyes are filled with tears as she walks towards me. She is one I am most worried about. When my leaving was made public Dr. Haley put Hilary into the confinement room for two days. She was scared of Hilary's reaction since she is already so broken that there is no way to tell how she would react to watching me leave.

She did cry for 27 hours straight then went into a cationic state, only mumbling 'another gone' over and over. I went to see her and after a long talk consisting on me promising to write and visitor, she calmed down a lot.

She wrapped her arms around my waist tightly; she is only 4'7 after all. I squeezed her back and whispered in her ear, "I am not leaving you Hilary, hell I am not that easy to get rid of. I will write and visit no matter what. You are truly one of my best friends, no more, my sister." I wiped the tears from my eyes as she pulled away from me to go join the other two.

The four of us were unbelievable close now after everything we have been though together. From suicide threats, to relapses we had stuck together and never given up on each other.

That means a lot to me, to know that other people actually are willing to not only put up with their own issue but always be there for mine to. God, I am going to miss this place even if it was hell on earth. Pulling them all into a group hug I say my final goodbyes promising to come back for a visit soon.

Dr. Haley made me promise to continue seeing a therapist every week to keep my issue under control but my issue has decreased a lot. Dr. Haley came to the decision that I have same huge bipolar tendencies but they only come out when something stressful or painful - either emotional or physical- happens to me or someone I love.

But I am not fully bipolar!

Thank fucking god!

Saying goodbye to everyone one more time I grabbed my stuff and walked out towards the taxi. Collin wanted to come pick me up but changed his mind at the last minute, didn't tell me why though.

The drive was going to be long, only because I was excited to get home. All my stuff had been moved into the Black's house and Collin had set up my room for me so I can say in full confidence that it will rock.

"Where too little miss?" The driver asked once I had piled all of my stuff into the trunk. Little miss? I am 17 I will have you know!

"La Push reservation, please." I answered as I buckled up my seat belt. He smiled and nodded before driving away from the rehab center. I waved one last time though the tiny back window to a group of people I will always remember.

Grabbing my iPod out of my bag I shoved the ear phones in my ears.

_Don't try to explain your mind  
I know what's happening here  
One minute it's love  
And suddenly it's like a battlefield_

_One word turns into a war  
Why is it the smallest things that tear us down?  
My world's nothing when you don't  
I'm not here without a shield  
Can't go back now_

_Both hands, tied behind my back with nothing  
Oh no, these times when we climb so fast to fall again  
Why we gotta fall for it now_

_I never meant to start a war  
You know I never wanna hurt you  
Don't even know what we're fighting for_

_Why does love always feel like a battlefield  
A battlefield, a battlefield?  
Why does love always feel like a battlefield  
a battlefield, a battlefield?  
Why does love always feel like?_

The drive went very quickly. I think I feel asleep because next thing I know the cab is pulling in the black's driveway. Smiling to myself I jump out and start pulling stuff from the trunk and setting it on the ground by the door. Once every thing is out I grab some money of my purse and pay the cab so he can leave which he does.

Taking a deep breathe I look around my new home. Shaking my head I turn to face the door and something strange catches my eye. The door is closed by the curtained window to the left of the door has a dark tall shape blocking the light creating a silhouette.

Without even having to guess I know that person is Collin. I waved at him and as soon as I acknowledged his presence he was out the front door. There was no time for one of those romantic movie slow motion things; nope he was running so fast he became a blur.

He wrapped his arms around my waist and picked me off the ground so he could spin me around. Laughing I buried my face in the crook of his neck while he kissed every inch of my head he could get at. I kissed his neck as he started to walk with me still up in the air.

He set me down on the railing of the stairs; I was sitting with him in front of me smiling like a fool. I wrapped my arms around the back of his neck and pulled him towards me. I attacked his lips hungrily and he responded in the same fashion.

I have no words to express how much I missed him. I feel at home again, sitting here with Collin. I vowed in that moment to never leave him again for such a long amount of time.

I wanted to freeze time again, keep this moment alive forever. With such strong emotions in the air that can only mean thing is going to happen…

"SAVANNAH!!! Collin do you mind taking you lips off her long enough for me to say hello! Jeez Collin, there are other people around here I am sure she would rather see!"

And Cue Embry…

Untangling myself from Collin I jumped right off the railing and into Embry's open arms. He swung me around as I laughed, "Embry!! I missed you!" I yelled into the air as he continued to spin – boy better stop before I give up my breakfast!

"I missed you more!" He said back as he finally set my feet on the ground, "And I know some other people who have been dying to see you again!" He looked towards the door and I followed his gaze just in time to see the door bust open.

Group hugs are nice and all but when it is a group of giant warm werewolves then well it can be slightly suffocating to say the least.

God I missed them all so much! I feel whole again, like before my whole life feel apart.

I looked up to sky from though the only space visible and I swear I saw my brother and mother's faces smiling down at me.

**So one chapter left! This was a shirt story i know but when it is done it is done! Sorry again about the wait for this chapter! I never meant to ignore this strory but it happened! Sorry!!! Thanks to everyone who has reviewed and story alerted!! **

**Thanks for reading!  
Swimming cutie xoxo**


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